According to the Alzheimer’s Society:
…as dementia progresses, each person will find their own way of coping with, and reacting and adapting to, the changes it brings. Developing these coping strategies can be a gradual and subconscious process.
There are no fast and easy solutions to this devastating and – so far – irreversible condition, but there are some general guidelines you would be well to consider and adopt. The literature on dementia is immense. Please consider this article as a starting point – nothing more.
One of the greatest challenges for us all when confronted with a loved one suffering from this condition is to come to terms with the skills necessary to communicate with them. What follows are ten tips, courtesy of caregiver.org, who have published an invaluable guide on the subject.
As they observe:
We aren’t born knowing how to communicate with a person with dementia – but we can learn. Improving your communication skills will help make caregiving less stressful and will likely improve the quality of your relationship with your loved one. Good communication skills will also enhance your ability to handle the difficult behaviour you may encounter as you care for a person with a dementing illness.
10 Tips for Communicating With a Dementia Sufferer
1. Set a Positive Mood for Interaction
This is about attitude and body language. Speak to your loved one in a pleasant and respectful manner. Use facial expressions, tone of voice, and touch to help convey your message and show your feelings of affection.
2. Get the Person’s Attention
Limit distractions and noise. That means no radio or TV. Before speaking, make sure you have their attention. Use nonverbal cues and touch to help keep them focused.
3. State Your Message Clearly
Use simple words and sentences. Speak slowly, distinctly, and in a reassuring tone. Don’t raise your voice. Instead, pitch your voice lower.
4. Ask Simple, Answerable Questions
Ask one question at a time. Those with yes or no answers work best. Refrain from asking open-ended questions or giving too many choices. For example, ask:
Would you like to wear your white shirt or your blue shirt?
5. Listen With Your Ears, Eyes, & Heart
Be patient in waiting for your loved one’s reply. If they are struggling for an answer, it’s okay to suggest words. Watch for nonverbal cues and body language, and respond appropriately. Always strive to listen for the meaning and feelings that underlie the words.
6. Break Down Activities Into a Series of Steps
This makes many tasks much more manageable. You can encourage your loved one to do what they can. Encouragement is key. Using visual cues, such as showing them with your hand where to place the dinner plate, can be very helpful.
7. When the Going Gets Tough, Distract & Redirect
If your loved one becomes upset or agitated, try changing the subject or the environment. You might say:
I see you’re feeling sad – I’m sorry you’re upset. Let’s go get something to eat.
8. Respond With Affection & Reassurance
People with dementia often feel confused, anxious, and unsure of themselves. Avoid trying to convince them they are wrong. Comfort, support, and reassurance are crucial. Hand holding and hugging may help.
9. Remember the “Good Old Days”
Remembering the past is often a soothing and affirming activity. Many people with dementia may not remember what happened 45 minutes ago, but they can clearly recall their lives 45 years earlier. Avoid asking questions that rely on short-term memory.
10. Maintain Your Sense of Humour
Use humour whenever possible, though not at the person’s expense. People with dementia tend to retain their social skills and are usually delighted to laugh along with you.
Remember This
Try to focus on the relationship as it is now, rather than thinking of how it used to be. Consider ways to support the relationship, such as life story work, reminiscence, creative activities (including art and music) and shared hobbies. Finally, if all of this sounds brutally difficult, rest assured that it is – though it can be deeply fulfilling, too.