You say your aging parents won’t listen? We’ve come up with some tips to help the situation. Just be assured that you are not the only one experiencing this dilemma. After all, although your parents are getting older, they are probably still wanting to remain autonomous and to continue to do things their way. They were the people telling you what to do for years, and therefore probably find it difficult to listen to you and your advice now that the roles are being reversed.
Coping with a parent who won’t listen can be extremely frustrating at the very least. Try to remember them asking you to listen and pay attention when you were a youngster, and you’ll perhaps become empathetic to the situation.
A Few Strategies You Can Develop
Our research on this topic has revealed some simple yet effective strategies you can employ to deal with this “problem”:
1. Blame It on the Kids (That Would Be You) or the Grandkids
In other words, if a parent is unwilling to change their behaviour when it comes to themselves, try suggesting they make a change for the benefit of a loved one – maybe for yours or for the grandchildren’s sake. A sample conversation could go along the following lines: “You don’t want me to be worried, do you? We’d feel less worried if you _____ (fill in the blank). Would you please do it for us?”
2. Pick Your Battles
Same old advice with a twist, because now it involves a parent. You’ll often have to decide how important the matter really is and whether to intervene if they’re refusing to listen to advice. Is it a safety issue or something that is just irritating but inconsequential?
3. Be Kind to Yourself
Don’t beat yourself up. Being able to reason with your parents can be extremely hard when they are dead set on doing something contrary to what you may deem “safe” – such as parents insisting on travelling out of the country when one or the other has a serious health issue that could put them at risk. You know it’s asking for trouble even if they both do have a travel health insurance plan in place. Worse if they’ve lied about the insurance and gone ahead with going away. There’s only so much you can do to make them listen and when they don’t, you just cannot beat your head against a wall. Simply try to keep an eye on them and come to their rescue if needed.
4. Seek Professional Help
Yes, find an outlet for your feelings and frustrations. Someplace where you can vent, confide and strategize about what you can do when parents aren’t listening or are driving you crazy. There are plenty of resources where you can get the help you need, such as consulting, a geriatric care professional, a talk therapist or even an online support group. Remember, there are loads of others going through the same things you are.
5. Treat Parents Like the Adults They Are
Sometimes you just have to accept the situation for what it is. Your parents are adults with the right to make decisions – even poor ones. Unless they are endangering their lives or someone else’s, let it go. Dealing with a stubborn parent is not the same as dealing with a stubborn child. The elderly should – and ought to be – autonomous as long as possible.
6. Try to Understand the Motivation Behind Their Behaviour
This is advice worth looking at. Why? Because you’ll soon discover whether they are acting this way out of habit, or to assert their independence, or possibly they’re depressed. Maybe they have stopped listening because they’re confused. Often obstinate behaviour is an indicator of fear. What are they afraid of? Whatever the cause(s), try to get to the bottom of their obstinance or inability to listen.
We Can All Do a Better Job of Listening
And, just remember this. After all is said and done, sometimes it’s the children of aging parents who need to do some listening too.